Uncle Steve was not one to hide or mince words, he is a professional ladies man, if there is anything like that. I had always wondered why his wife allowed him so much freedom and preferred to look the other way even when Uncle obviously went out of line with his relationships and stories. But by the end of that evening, a small gathering of close family and friends to mark his wife’s 57th birthday, I had a clearer picture of the relationship this very unique couple share.
At 59, Uncle, as we fondly call him is by all means, a successful gentleman, especially by typical African or Nigerian standards. A business man and Lawyer with connections in and out of government circles, extending even to border countries, he had almost everything going for him. To his name are a couple of houses in choice areas of Lagos and Abuja as well as the Uk, and Dubai. His five children are all grown up with the last, a university undergraduate and a wife who shunts across countries, combining business with pleasure as she fiddles with a fabric business she obviously had no need of its proceeds. It is simply her way of whiling away time since her husband has little or none to stay at home by her side. Besides, to such a couple, home is indeed a difficult place to define.
It is therefore only natural that Uncle Steve has a string of female companions, and it is no big secret, for most women are easily attracted to the trappings of his personality. Women are naturally drawn to men of means and power and so, they willingly flock around him for whatever they can will out of his hands. This is however not a difficult task as Uncle Steve’s reputation at generosity precedes him. He has no inhibitions about spending lavishly on the ladies he shares his bed with. Perhaps, depending on luck or bargaining power, some of his women have been known to walk off with moderate settlements in terms of fat bank accounts, houses and even establishment of businesses of their own.
According to him, once a while, he meets ladies he does actually either fall in love with or is highly emotionally tied to. Those ones often enjoy a special place in his life and more perks than the regulars. One of such young women was Laide, a university undergraduate he met at the Island club during one of their regular parties. Pretty, humble and respectful, Laide was also an extrovert studying Law and this further endeared her to him. He really enjoyed her company and decided to have her around for as long as possible in a mutually benefiting relationship to both of them. He treated her like his baby and practically took care of her needs, sometimes, extending his largesse to other members of her family with whom he had become acquainted. Three years plus down the line, Laide completed her studies and commenced her Youth Service year, then the unexpected happened. She dropped a bomb shell on Uncle Steve. She was pregnant.
He’d thought she was joking and promptly told her there must be a good reason for the delay in her monthly cycle. It could be hormonal or health or stress related, he suggested, and asked her to go for a retest as he was sure she was not pregnant. However, he became worried and began suspecting fowl play when Laide called him a few days later to confirm that the retest was also positive. He said it was at that point that he realised that Laide was serious and began suspecting her of planning to trap him into a permanent relationship. If she was indeed pregnant, it was definitely not his.
And even though it was a confirmation that she had not really been the faithful, though naughty girl he assumed her to be. He was not really angry as he’d expected her to have a young man of her age that she would eventually settle down to marry. In fact, he had plans to sponsor her wedding, anytime she decided to settle down. That was how much he was fond of her. He had no idea that she had an agenda of her own and was desperate enough to try to pin another man’s pregnancy on him to achieve it.
So, he’d invited her over for the weekend in a bid to help her sort things out and assist her get whoever was responsible to do right by her. But he was further disappointed when she insisted that he was her only lover and was responsible for the pregnancy. She told him to man up and stop embarrassing her, after all, they had been sexually intimate for almost four years without protection. Uncle said it was at this point that he became very angry and told her he would not accept responsibility for her pregnancy and she should go and sort herself out. He said he left her at the apartment the next morning in annoyance after dropping a note that the driver will drop her off at the airport anytime she was ready to leave.
For the next couple of weeks, Uncle disclosed that Laide did not allow him a breathing space as she kept calling and sending text messages on why she would not have an abortion and he must accept the pregnancy and take care of her and the baby. He refused to pick her calls nor reply her text messages. She promised to remain in the shadows with her child and would not embarrass him or his family. All he had to do was settle her and the child and he could take a walk. He does not even need to mention them in his will, she offered. At that point, he said, all the love and affection he had for her flew out of the window. It was not the first time a lady had tried to pin a pregnancy on him, but so far, she was the most brazen and most determined.
He understood the game, she was trying to build a safe and comfortable nest for herself. But she was backing the wrong horse as he had undergone a vasectomy as a birthday gift to his wife when she turned 50. It had been the only way he could assure her that he would never have a child outside of their marriage. He said it was only after the procedure that his wife had found peace, happiness and a new lease of life and willingly left him to his escapades. Seven years down the line, he’d been clean and checking regularly and could therefore not father a child as Laide was claiming. So, he’d advised her to look elsewhere for the father and not to bother him with such stories again.
As I made our way home later that evening in the company of a cousin and two others, one of them a male, I reopened the discussion. We unanimously agreed that Uncle had done the most noble thing, considering our culture and the fact that he had enough resources at his disposal to have far more number of children than the five he has. The women went on to rain abuses on Laide, for daring to attempt such an invasion into another woman’s territory. Her lack of shame, guilt or conscience was also breathtaking.
Had Uncle not been sure of the status of his fertility, she would have had her way and dumped a bastard child on his laps. But Dipo, our only male companion had a different view and wondered why Uncle had gone to such drastic measures just to convince his wife that he would not have children outside of their marriage. A vasectomy was too extreme and unsafe as anything could happen to warrant a reversal or review of his position. Without thinking, we all shouted Dipo down for his insensitive and reckless views. Why should anything happen to cause him to regret his decision? The worst case scenario was death of all five children. Not impossible, but it definitely was not Uncle Steve’s portion.
I have not stopped wondering since then why we cannot have more men like Uncle Steve rising up for their wives and protecting them even when the odds does not seem in their favour. Why women have to be the ones to fight tooth and nail, employing all possible measures, including scheming, blackmail, cajoling, prayer and fasting, armtwisting and even remote control (juju) to ensure that the union’s booty are kept safe for themselves and their children? Must some of our men always be carefree and reckless with their extra marital affairs such that they undermine, compromise and sacrifice their wives and children’s welfare? Besides, must women always be the ones to worry about family planning and contraceptives?
Lets meet here again next Saturday for the concluding part of this discourse. Please remember that you can always reach me via email address: yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk should you wish that your reactions or contributions to issues raised on this page be published. Do have a wonderful weekend!