Please forgive me for writing you through this medium. I can imagine how busy you must be, especially at this time that the elections are by the corner. With the many gatekeepers you have, if I posted the letter, the chance of your ever reading it can be imagined. I don’t even know if NIPOST is still working. Do you know, sir? Since I am not a governor, a party chairman, an oba, a minister, a man of God, etc, I reckon that your gate keepers will be infuriated that I even had the effrontery to address a letter to you. I can imagine one of them reacting in anger: Who this Tony Okoroji think him be sef? Who told him that he can send a letter to the C-in C, the president of the largest black nation on earth?’ They would have torn my letter into a thousand shreds and thrown the shreds into a trash can. Please believe me; I could not control the desperate urge to reach you and express myself, dear leader. Honestly, I have become worried that your gatekeepers are behaving like they own you; they are the only ones who love you and that you should listen to them only. It is a lie! The truth is that there are millions of us in this country who genuinely think that you are an ok guy and wish you well. I hope sir that you will be kind enough to tell those guys of yours not to call the security people to teach me a hot lesson for this my foolishness. You know that you rule over a large country, in fact the most populous in Africa. In this very large country, we are made up of all kinds; the brilliant,
prophets, seers, 419ers, magicians, the foolish, etc. If by any chance, you do not like anything I have written in this letter, for the sake of my children, forgive me and just say to yourself, ‘he is just one of those foolish Nigerians that I rule.’ I am really scared of your guys. They might even say to you that just like in Fr. Mbaka’s case, Ngige has given me N800 million to write this letter. Sorry sir, with oil price dancing sekem-sekem, is there still that kind of money left in Nigeria? If Ngige has that kind of cash to throw around, then things can’t be that bad. My boss, if you want, you can investigate this: I have never met Mbaka. I do not know Ngige. I have no business with Buhari or Osinbajo or Tinubu or Amaechi or even OBJ or any of the rascals who keep heaping insults on you. My president, you are the only one I know. I swear, nobody has given meshishi. Before I go any further, let me join others to express my condolence on the recent passing on of your dear sister. May the Almighty receive her soul and give you the fortitude to bear the loss. Your excellency, my dear president, I love my country with all my heart but I am also a very proud Igbo man. People say that Igbos do not support their own. That is not quite true. The truth is that Igbos don’t like to be made a fool of. You can bear witness to the fact that four years ago, when your handlers reminded everyone that your full name is Goodluck Ebele Azikiwe Jonathan and you put on the red cap for which we are known, Igbos came out in droves to support you. You were considered their brother. Our people voted for you en masse. Your gatekeepers might not tell you but the joke around town is that once the election was over, Azikiwe disappeared from your name, the red cap disappeared from your wardrobe and the black bowler hat returned. You came back to being a 100 percent Ijaw man and Igbos were left alone to continue to bear their many burdens. A few days to the last Christmas, I was stuck in a bad traffic jam on the Niger bridge between Asaba and Onitsha, the same bridge built about 50 years ago by the government led by a Muslim man, Alhaji Abubakar Tafawa Balewa. Many times we have been promised a second Niger bridge to reduce our pain. Mr. President sir, I am not an ethnic jingoist but just put yourself in our shoes. How do you think we feel? For six years, an Azikiwe has been in charge at Aso Rock and the more we look, the less we see the second Niger bridge or anything else of real value! Some say that the Igbos have no king. Maybe not in the same sense that other people believe that a certain child of God was born to rule over them. We believe in hard work and merit. We are certain that if there is fairness and a level playing field, the Igbo man will thrive anywhere. With the Igbos, you have to earn your kingship. The late Zik of Africa and Owelle of Onitsha, the great Nnamdi Azikiwe whose name you took, earned his kingship. Go around much of Igboland today, almost everyone seriously seeking office will not just put out a poster but one carrying his photograph and that of the late Ikemba Nnewi, Eze Igbo, Dim Chukwuemeka Odimegwu Ojukwu. Ojukwu was an Igbo King. You may therefore understand my horror when it was announced last week that one Femi Fani Kayode has been appointed your campaign spokesman. I am usually a very tolerant guy but I instantly felt like vomiting. Femi Fani Kayode?! Is this not the same guy that gleefully went before the world to claim that he had slept with Her Excellency, Bianca Ojukwu, your ambassador and wife of the revered Igbo King, Eze Guburugburu, Chukwuemeka Odimegwu Ojukwu? If your excellency does not know, what this guy did was to slap the face of every self-respecting Igbo man. It was sacrilege. I find it incredulous that in the whole of Nigeria, they could not find you a better person than this man who goes about boasting about the women he has gone to bed with. Mr. President sir, are you going to send this man to Igboland to speak on your behalf? Tufiakwa! Mbah! Whoever foisted that decision on you is not your friend. He does not want the Igbos or any other discerning Nigerian to vote for you. I don’t care what anybody says, you are an inspiration to millions of poor people across Africa. For a guy who had no shoes to go on to get a BSc, MSc and PhD and swiftly move on to be a deputy governor, governor, vice president and president, the office over which many in Nigeria have lost their lives, is nothing but awesome. This is a country where there are hundreds of thousands of young people who can only dream about a university degree not because they are not smart but because their country is not smart. Your excellency, you know that the last election was a cake walk. Please do not listen to any of these your many hangers on who tells you that the situation is still the same. Nigerians are in no mood for a phone call and ‘I love you’ this coming valentine day election. The love has soured. The mood has changed a lot. I am afraid. I don’t know how you are going to pull this iron out of the fire. Have I forgotten that your name is Goodluck? No sir! It is just that this time, you may need all the luck you were born with and more. Mr. President, sir! How can I get so close to you and my life does not change? I am sure you will think I am not a true Nigerian if I close this this letter without asking the all-important question: Anything for the boys?
