One: When sex is on the agenda, the greatest mistake any husband would make is not to take advantage of the situation and really go down on the wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina very carefully. Nipple, clitoral and vaginal stimulation can be the high point of foreplay for any wife, anytime. It can even be the main ‘event’ of the night or an erotic act that a couple return to frequently during a long sexual encounter.
Two: Manual stimulation is incredibly important for wives to have an orgasm. Most wives need a little more nipple, clitoral and vaginal contact than intercourse. Warm wet and intimate stimulation can be just as fun and satisfying as full intercourse.
Three: Actually, 87 per cent of wives prefer nipple, clitoral and vaginal caressing to all other forms of foreplay.
Four: Many wives fantasise about lying back and having their husbands go down on them, but many cannot express it. Moreover, if you want to sexually pamper your wife or want her to be consumed literally with enticing sexual feelings, try this out this Yuletide.
Five: Do more than playing with the nipples, vagina and the clitoris; you can actually feast on them. There is something about a husband feasting his eyes, hands and mouth on his wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina that can translate the couple into another world of ecstasy, bliss and elation.
Six: The sensation of the tongue on the nipples, clitoris and vagina, is usually enough to make couples hyperactive with pleasure. However, according to research, many husbands do not lick the right places well or sometimes; they do not stay long enough to make their wives climax.
Seven: During sex, reach down and rub your wife’s clitoris whenever possible and you are guaranteed that her chances of having orgasm will be increased. For many wives, manual stimulation of these areas is the only way they can climax. Rubbing the nipples, vagina and the clitoris the right way is not something husbands just naturally know how to do; it is something they have to learn. When a wife’s vagina is not yet lubricated, ‘never’ try to insert a finger or penis into it; that is ‘pure legal raping’.
Eight: Studies have shown that husbands staring at their wives’ breasts for 10 minutes a day can improve their total well-being.
Nine: The human lips, tongues and genitals are the most sensitive areas of their bodies.
Ten: The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
Eleven: The tip of the clitoris has 700 nerve endings, more than what is found on the head of the penis.
Twelve: The most sensitive part of a woman’s vagina is the first two inches; that is where the majority of the nerves endings are located.
Thirteen: A woman’s skin is 10 times more sensitive to touch than a man’s own.
Fourteen: During arousal, increased blood flow causes a woman’s breasts to swell by 25 per cent; and when stimulated, the vagina expands six inches wider.
Fifteen: As a wife is turned on, blood rushes to her vulva, causing the vagina to release a smooth liquid called ‘drops of Jupiter’. The average duration of a female orgasm is six seconds. The Japanese word for orgasm translates as, ‘I have died and gone to heaven’. Now carefully stimulating your wife’s nipples, clitoris and vagina can make her also utter this statement.
Sixteen: One step at a time is the best secret code; so while together, have your hands under her then stroke her clitoris through her panties to build the anticipation of feeling your fingers against her wet skin. Even if you have seen your wife’s nakedness a thousand times, don’t rush to take off her panties every time.
Seventeen: Take the action to the next level by sliding your hand under her panties. Don’t just rub the nub but start kissing your wife’s knee up to her inner thigh or from her navel down to her clitoris, then directly to her labia, and then find your way to her nipples.
Eighteen: A wife’s inner thigh is very sensitive. Incredibly, some wives can even have orgasm just by their feet being messaged. Starting your journey to the clitoris by kissing her thighs is still the best. This gives your wife intense pleasure and builds her anticipation for the trill to come. Ask her to hold her legs up and out of the way; this allows you better access to the vagina.
Nineteen: If you want to hear whether she is moaning with pleasure, ask her not to sandwich your ears with her thighs, you will be amazed with the varieties of ‘melodic rhythms’ coming your way! Pay close attention to the moaning and make sure she is not moaning because she is in pain.
Twenty: As you listen to her moans of pleasure, keep stimulating the clitoris and the surrounding areas with all your four fingers. Apply light to firm pressure using an up-and-down motion, slowly circling the area. All this provides wonderful sensation and are helpful in bringing your wife to climax.
Twenty-one: You can vary the pressure and speed, depending on what she likes best. While on her clitoris, plant several little kisses (on it) and flip your tongue directly around it. On the other hand, you can simultaneously insert your finger into her vagina and caress it as the clitoral kissing is going on, by using the thumb to drive her wild and the other hand to rub her pubic heap.
Twenty-two: Husband, use the tip of your tongue to brush, tap, or flip the clitoris in an up-and-down and/or side-to-side motion. Try it slowly, then quickly, and even more quickly. The tap can be light or firm.
Questions and answers
My husband’s sexual desire is low
My husband and I have been married for three years. He is 42 and I am about to turn 31. Few months into our marriage, he was very affectionate and loving and we had sex quite regularly. Then it reduced to twice a week, then once a week. Now, it is once in three or more weeks and there is little affection in our relationship. I try to be playful and initiate sex, but it usually ends with my husband giving an excuse (such as being too tired or having too much work to do) and me feeling embarrassed and unattractive.
We have discussed this issue several times and he says that he is very much attracted to me but that it is hard for him to get in the mood because of all the stress from work. He has also told me a few times that he feels that I pressure him for sex so much.
It is still difficult for me to imagine a husband feeling pressured to have sex with his wife. What I also don’t understand is if he’s attracted to me as much as he says he is, wouldn’t having sex help alleviate some of that stress he’s feeling?
When we do have sex, it seems like as soon as I am “ready”, he wants to have sex instead of enjoying the foreplay for a bit longer. It makes me feel like he just wants to get it over with. In addition, when we have sex, he usually wants reverse cowgirl or to be behind me instead of a more affectionate position where we can kiss and make eye contact, which is important to me.
We used to be affectionate but now, I get a pat on the back in the morning when we leave for work and maybe a hug. If I try to be affectionate (not to initiate sex, but really just to make out), he might give me a few kisses back but it does not feel like he is into it and he usually manoeuvres me into a cuddling position and falls asleep.
After he told me he felt like I pressured him to have sex, I did my best to back off. The point is that I want some sort of affection. Is it wrong to want affection? I would really like some advice from you. I want to make him happy but I want to be happy too. I hate feeling as if I am a sort of abandoned project, as if I am not attractive enough for him.
Joyce, Badagry
It seems as if he has a low sex drive. From your letter, it looks like you have succumbed to the fact that you are not going to have any active sex life again. It is in the best interest of the marriage for you to express to him that having a strong sexual relationship is important to you and that if he is unable to meet your needs, he should at least meet you halfway. Besides, he is your man. Study him, read him like a book, pamper him like a kid, comfort him like a mother, and get to know how you can win him to your side. I am quite certain you have all it takes to do that. Also, look for his areas of interest and be genuinely interested; this will endear him to you. I know several couples who have been in this situation and 99 per cent of the time, it ended up sweet.
No sign of blood to show she was deflowered
I have been married for close to seven weeks and my wife and I were virgins, but up till now, I have not been able to deflower her. I have tried so hard, but it looks like whenever I penetrate, there is no more depth to go. Moreover, I discovered that whenever it seems as if I have managed to penetrate satisfactorily enough and have released, immediately she gets up, all the sperm pours out of her again in large quantity. The amazing part of it is that we have not seen any trace of blood since we started having sex. Honestly, we are getting worried. What can we do?
Peter Eduloye, Oyo
Your complaint is typical of inexperienced newlyweds and it is expected. Firstly, it is not all virgins that may bleed while breaking their hymen. The hymen, which is a thin but tough membrane found at the entrance of the vagina, may be absent at birth or may be lost during vigorous physical sporting activities. This may explain why you are not seeing blood. Though, the initial breaking of the hymen during sexual intercourse may bleed slightly because of damage to the membrane, this may not be so in some cases because of its classification. There are three types of hymen, the very fragile hymen (which breaks easily few years into puberty); the regular hymen (which breaks at young adult stage); and the tough hymen (which takes months or even years to break, especially when the lady is 25 years and above). If you relax, practise more of foreplay and try to calm down a bit; you will in no time deflower her. The reason why sperm still pours out of her may simply be because she is still tight, which is also typical of a vagina that was not sexually active prior to this time. As times goes on, things will fall into place.
I only enter his bedroom whenever he needs sex
The only time I enter my husband’s bedroom is when he needs sex, any other time, he shuts his door against me. He said that is the tradition in their family and that he is more productive sleeping alone. There have been occasions when the children fell ill in the middle of the night; he only came out of his room, insisting we nursed the child in my room and not his. Curiosity had made me break into the room when he was away but I did not find anything unusual; his slogan is ‘stay in your room, I don’t share a room with a woman’. But I am not just a woman; I’m his wife. This has made me to deny him sex, am I doing the right thing?
Maureen Paul
Ideally, couples should share everything together, including the bedroom. Secluded privacy is not actually for married people. Spontaneous sex, which is still rated as the best sex, happens more often among couples that share same bedroom and mattress. Besides, some crucial marital issues may be best discussed and solved at night. Separate rooms will not help make this happen. It is also easier for couples to reconcile their differences while sleeping together in the same bedroom than while sleeping in separate bedrooms. But nevertheless, some people may be more productive, experience quality rest and get more privacy with separate rooms. I still think it is best to discuss this.
I am helpless
I have almost given up on my premature ejaculation problem. My first wife fled with my children on some spurious and unfounded excuses. But ostensibly, it was because of this nagging ailment. I have done all that is physically, spiritually and medically possible in the quest for a solution to the problem, but I have failed woefully. This has not deterred me though because I know that God‘s care and mercy extend beyond any imaginable limits. I believe your advice and counsel in this area can help me. You have certainly started a medium that would free millions of people from their fears and helplessness as regards marital sexual fulfilment. I am a helpless man in this area.
Helpless man
I would love to say that you are not helpless because you have not extensively exhausted all medical solutions. This is because there are always new discoveries every day that may help you out. Researchers are of the opinion that they would likely come up with varieties of solutions. Besides, there is nothing greater than God. To contribute my quota, I would love you to try some of these natural herbs and exercises and I am sure they will be of help to you. Medicine is taking a giant stride as regards these cases.